This ones for you ;)

It's been pointed out to me that I've been bad at keeping this blog up, so I thought I'd share a little bit just for you because I love you!

My husband and I went to the food court tonight before we went to a Jazz game and the only table available to sit at was directly across from Hot Dog On A Stick.  as we were sitting there and I was watching the girl go up and down up and down making lemonade my husband turned to me and said, wow that job is a bit degrading.  And the first thing I thought after that was 'Yeah I'd rather be a pole dancer than work at Hot Dog On A Stick' and my next thought was 'Hmm... Pole dancing, how can I write that into my book, that would be so cool!'  That's mostly where my brain has been at lately is my writing.  I actually feel like I have a strong story line with this one and I'm pretty excited about it even though most of it at this point is only in my head. 

My other great distraction lately has been Richelle Mead.  I've decided I want to move into her head.  If you haven't read any of her books you really need to.  The last chapter of the Vampire Academy came out on Tuesday and I ignored all of life to read it for two days.  In my opinion its the best ending to a series ever!

On another note we have two, yes I said two, offers in on two houses and because they are short sales and because our loan lady is out of the office until tomorrow we're waiting... for who knows how long.

Well its reading time in my house so I'm going to go read :)  I'll be back soon though and maybe I'll tell you all how Harry Potter went, big movie releases are always good times!  LOVE YOU

Puppy Kisses

We happen to be starting the road to buying a house, which we've decided to get a new dog once we get a house.  Yes I know, me having two dogs, scary right?  Kody wants a little brother :)

Speaking of little brothers I have a beautiful new welt on my leg thanks to my little brother! the punk shot me with a BB gun.  although I did shoot him back and made him take his shirt off to do it, his welt looks worse than mine so I guess it all turns out fair, or maybe only fair to me.

Well I'm avoiding writing, which by the way I've ditched dear Jane and started a new story.. so back to the grind :)

floating away

I did it.  I told him about you.  I opened my heart and bowed my head and told my past. I poured out my regrets and hurts of the years gone by.  I know it wasn't all you I had a part in it too, that's for sure, its the reason my heart has been so hurt.  But you know what?  I'm still my heavenly fathers daughter, I'm still my earthly parents daughter, and I'm the wife of the greatest man I've ever met.  I never thought I could ever possibly deserve to be forgiven I thought I'd always be an outcast of sorts. I'm learning to find forgiveness for myself, to move on in life. Things are happening for me I never thought possible.  I will have my family in this life and in the next.

I sincerely hope you the best in life.  I truly wish for you to do the things you need to do; and do them right, not just do them because your bored or merely curious, as I've witnessed before.  these are not things I could have said about you just 2 months ago, then the things I would have said were hurtful probably more so to me than you, since you don't care anymore. I feel the difference within my heart and yet I'm still me.  somehow I thought bringing about this change meant losing me...

I look forward from here and I'm turning my back on the past, I will no longer look back.  I know that I will be forgiven.  I know that I will do my best to do what is right. and I know I want to spend forever with my husband, who I couldn't have met without you in a round about way so I guess thank you, and good bye.

 I feel free for the first time in years even though the guilt is still only a little less today, and hopefully a little less again tomorrow, and for that I thank my heavenly father.

Be who you are.

I just want to tell everyone to be who they are. If you feel you are a child of God you are. don't worry about what other people think or say. Try to do things that make the world a better place, but always be you.  Don't judge other people for the things they do its not your place, they will be judged in thier own time and for what is also not up to you.  Its okay to stay away from people who make you feel sad or wrong if you feel they are leading you down a bad path.  Just be who you are. try to be honest with out being mean.  These are the things I try to live by, the things I have been working on.  Am I perfect? NO, no one is... If I've decided to not be your friend its not because Im judging you, you can take it however you'd like to but the real reason is, You don't make me feel okay, you say or do things that hurts who I am.  I want everyone to just be them, Why is it not okay I just be me? I don't need people checking up on me, just let me be me.  Im an honest person even though I know there are some out there who say otherwise, but thats just them being them and thats okay. JUST LET ME BE ME!  If you feel you need to lie about me or make up things about me, if you try to stop me from being me, you don't know me, nor do you have a right to know me anymore.  Just thought i'd share 

lost years

Today I drove past the place where last I saw you.  I wanted so despretly to stop my car and go inside, to demand to see you, to hear you say my name in the goofy way you always did, to see your smile light your face like I remember so many times before. I wanted to beg you to sing your version of Blinks whats my age again.  I'll never be able to hear that song with out smiling and thinking of the way I remember you singing it, I never have been able to.  I hate the past few years I missed so much with far too many, and that is all my fault.  I'll always remember you pestering and laughing, never forget your smile.  Say Hi to the others I miss everyday, watch out for people here who miss you everyday now. bye kiddo and Im sorry.

Life

I've lost many friends along the way. I've had secrets told and lies kept. I've felt trapped overwhelmed and entirely lost. Somedays I feel like I have no one to talk to and no where to turn. Sometimes I don't know what to say, a lot of times I have no interest in my own life so why would anyone else. Sometimes I'd rather write my feelings down then speak them aloud. Sometimes I just want to yell and scream and talk it all out. I used to have a passion for life, now I mostly feel lost. I feel betrayed at work and alone in my thoughts. I'm bored unchallenged and stuck. I don't know where to go or how to get that passion back. I hate being lied to, I hate feeling like I'm forcing people to do something. I've lost faith in most people and no longer trust anyone with out proof that they can be trusted. I'd rather hear the truth than a lie. Somedays I dream of moving far away, working on a movie set (doing what I don't know) and writing all my stories out. I need my passion back. Life isn't fair, they say you choose your own happiness, I think mine ran away.

The Dark Divine!

I just recently finished this book and loved it! Check it out.