floating away

I did it.  I told him about you.  I opened my heart and bowed my head and told my past. I poured out my regrets and hurts of the years gone by.  I know it wasn't all you I had a part in it too, that's for sure, its the reason my heart has been so hurt.  But you know what?  I'm still my heavenly fathers daughter, I'm still my earthly parents daughter, and I'm the wife of the greatest man I've ever met.  I never thought I could ever possibly deserve to be forgiven I thought I'd always be an outcast of sorts. I'm learning to find forgiveness for myself, to move on in life. Things are happening for me I never thought possible.  I will have my family in this life and in the next.

I sincerely hope you the best in life.  I truly wish for you to do the things you need to do; and do them right, not just do them because your bored or merely curious, as I've witnessed before.  these are not things I could have said about you just 2 months ago, then the things I would have said were hurtful probably more so to me than you, since you don't care anymore. I feel the difference within my heart and yet I'm still me.  somehow I thought bringing about this change meant losing me...

I look forward from here and I'm turning my back on the past, I will no longer look back.  I know that I will be forgiven.  I know that I will do my best to do what is right. and I know I want to spend forever with my husband, who I couldn't have met without you in a round about way so I guess thank you, and good bye.

 I feel free for the first time in years even though the guilt is still only a little less today, and hopefully a little less again tomorrow, and for that I thank my heavenly father.