I'm sitting at lake Powell on the back of the house boat by myself, listening to the water and the wind. Im of course unable to post this as there is no service here, but I'm in a need to write mood.
I just put my beautiful amazing son to sleep. He laughed at his dad today. God it was a beautiful sound. But all I could think as he stared up at me with those big blue eyes was, I have 2 more nights where I can put him to bed and then I have 5 nights where I can't. And my heart hurts. He's sleeping away in the room next to me and tears are streaming down my face. I'm glad everyone is up front so I can be alone. I'm trying so hard not to cry but I can't stop myself. Not to tonight. I'm sure it doesn't help that I've been in the sun the past 3 days.. Or that I'm feeling a bit motion sick. But let's be real this isn't the first time I've cried over going back to work. I know it won't be the last. In fact I'm sure Tuesday is going to be a nightmare. I've yet to find someone to watch him till hubs gets home. I don't want to. But I know I have to.
I try to think of the good things about work, like how I like what I do, and I'll be able to fit into my work polos again, and I get to do something new when I get back. But none of that comes close to the feeling of putting my baby to sleep. Not even a tiny little bit. I hate money and the politics of the world we live in.
Dear world I brought you this tiny amazing person. Isn't that enough? Why must you demand more? I just feel sick.
1 comment:
Totally know what you mean. It's hard to leave your brand new baby. I actually haven't had to, but I made a tough decision to quit my job for good so that I could stay with him.
My mom worked all my growing up years. She did the night shift when I was little, so she could be with us during the day. My dad would be home at night with us and he took care of us when we got scared at night, etc. So, that's good, eh? I mean, we were really close to our father for a long time. It will be a bonding experience for your son with your husband. That's a way to look at it, you know? But it will hard for you to get used to.
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