well...

Sometimes I sit and stare at the compose screen of my blog thinking "Write something... Anything" There's a lot that goes on in my head, I mean its me... but I've taken to not sharing as much. I can't tell you it's better for me and I can't tell you it's worse for me.  A lot of it is that most of my time is filled with diapers, baby food, Super Why! and baby snuggles. Its my favorite place to be. If I could pause the moments where I just get to be with my son and Husband I would. I'd never ever leave them. But life is lame.  It moves insanely fast, and only speeds up ten fold when you throw a baby in the mix. I've started looking into day cares for my boy. But the thought of daycare makes me want to punch people or throw up. I can't even remotely explain how I feel when I think about it. I'd rather just stay home. But I know all the logical reasons I can't. We need insurance, we need the money.  Sorry for going off on all of this.. It's one of the things that really sits in the front of my brain most the time. I came across a tweet the other day stating that working moms aren't as much of a mom, or something to that effect.. all I could see after reading it was red. I don't remember who said it I think it was a re tweet but are you fucking kidding me?? I work until nearly 1 am almost every single night. I get up at 7:30 every single morning. I feed, dress, play with, snuggle my baby all day and work my ass off all night so my family can have decent health insurance and a good home to live in. Plus I clean my house do the dishes and laundry (admittedly I have the BEST Husband ever and we split all that 50/50) Tell me how I'm any less of a mom.  If anything I think I'm more of a mom.  I sacrifice a hell of a lot for my family. I also get tired of people thinking I can just drop everything and do whatever they want me to... It's nice that your stay at home all dayness allows you to do whatever you want.

Anyway I'm going off on a crazy path.. I don't mean to be so daisy downer.. Life is good too. I really truly have the best Husband and Son I could ever ask for. and I'm lucky to have the job I do.. My struggles in life haven't been as hard as some or even most. I have great friends and family.. I'm grateful for all the good I really am. I'm also very ready for a vacation. :)