This is Halloween!

What is everyone going as this year?

Happy Halloween!

Wanna talk?

Do you miss me? Do you know why it hurts? Do you care? Do you have days like I do where you want it better? Or would you rather it never? Do you have days like I do where you never want to see me? Do you even see? Do you even care? Did you ever? Will it get better? Or will it get worse? I feel like an outcast in a place I was first. And I just want to scream. I never know what to do.

Writing

So I did some writing tonight. It's been a year or longer since I've written anything! I forget how much better it makes me feel. When the voices in my head don't have an outlet they make me crazy. Feeling so much more calm tonight than I have in awhile.. I went from just over 1000 words to 7200 tonight:)

Night night sweet dreams all!

Strong All Along

Going back to work has been easier than I thought. It's still pretty horrible though. I miss my kid so much when I'm gone. I'm learning I'm stronger than I thought though. I can do it. I wish I could be home more. But I feel like the bonding time while I'm away between my boys is important too.

Speaking of Strong.  Baby boy is 14lbs 13oz!! he's growing so much! When I looked at him this morning I thought "you look you so much older already!" He's amazing in the things he can do and the growth he goes through daily.

All mixed up

Sometimes I miss my friend. Well always I miss my friend. I say sometimes because for awhile that friend turned into someone else. Which happens to everyone. We all hurt the people we love sometimes. Some of it easy to forgive and forget. Some of it easy to forgive but never to forget. And some of it unforgivable. It's human nature. But if you have any religious background you're taught to always forgive right? What about the things that feel so unforgivable? Prayer helps some. But the human mind is a cruel thing. It likes to remember the pain. I think for me if I can't work things out in my own way then it never goes away. It makes me feel sick and staby. I try and I pretend good for awhile but then that hurt creeps back in. I tell it no I push it down but well it's all mixed up. I dont know how to make things better. I can't be me so I don't think I fully can. But it's so mixed up I feel unimportant and uncared about by many.

311 song title challenge

I've decided that when I have down time IE baby is sleeping hubs is at work or whatever I'm going to throw my 311 songs on random and write a blog post with the same title as the first song that comes up.  So enjoy :)

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Which hits close to home for me.  My Grandma battled breast cancer for most of her life, a battle that eventually took her from us.

Its a great month to remember all those who fight for their lives and if you're able to donate and help find a cure there are a million ways to do that this month. Even at my work you can purchase a large popcorn in a pink tub with a portion of the money going to a cure for breast cancer.

If you're over 40 or have a family history of breast cancer make sure you're getting a mammogram every 1 to 2 years. Early detection is the key! for more information about mammograms go here.

If you or a loved one has Breast Cancer you can find support or donate here.

Happy October! Help find the cure!