All mixed up

Sometimes I miss my friend. Well always I miss my friend. I say sometimes because for awhile that friend turned into someone else. Which happens to everyone. We all hurt the people we love sometimes. Some of it easy to forgive and forget. Some of it easy to forgive but never to forget. And some of it unforgivable. It's human nature. But if you have any religious background you're taught to always forgive right? What about the things that feel so unforgivable? Prayer helps some. But the human mind is a cruel thing. It likes to remember the pain. I think for me if I can't work things out in my own way then it never goes away. It makes me feel sick and staby. I try and I pretend good for awhile but then that hurt creeps back in. I tell it no I push it down but well it's all mixed up. I dont know how to make things better. I can't be me so I don't think I fully can. But it's so mixed up I feel unimportant and uncared about by many.