The definition of crazy is doing something over and over and expecting different results. Well I'm pretty sure all moms are bat shit crazy.
I spend my days cleaning up messes, that will surely be returned 10 fold within 5 minutes, expecting things to stay clean for I don't know at least one day. Making meals that will get looked at with disgusted faces and barely get eaten, expecting my kids to finally go to bed without saying 'but I'm hungry!' Aw I love being mom but I hope they're saving me a good padded cell in the nut house.
How do all you moms deal with the crazy? I know I could use a few extra arms and a few extra hours after bedtime.
But also look my house is clean for the next 2 minutes.
I'm not perfect. No one is. But today has been rough. I'm not sure if it's that I'm not feeling very well, or that Mother's Day made me think about my angel baby who would be turning 2 this month, or if it's that my son has told me a thousand times he's bored today which makes me feel like a lame mom. But anyway turn up the music and hopefully turn things around tomorrow.
I have so many great examples of mothers in my life.
Starting with mom, my first example of motherhood. I'm so grateful for her. She's always there when you need her.
My step mom has been a blessing in our lives and we're glad she's a part of our family!
My mother-in-law raised quiet an amazing man. I'm glad for her strong influence in his life.
I've had sweet grandmothers and amazing great-grandmothers. My grandmas never got to meet my children but I'm grateful for my husbands grandmother and her role in my children's lives.
So many friends who have many different struggles but always make motherhood look so good:)
I've been blessed with faboulous aunts.
And amazing sisters who are aunts to my children.
Thank you to all the ladies who are an example to me!
Being a mom has been one of the greatest things I've done in life. My kids bless my life daily. I'm grateful for the 2 I get raise here on earth and the one who I will meet on the other side.
My favorite Mother's Day story so far is my son came into my room yesterday and found where daddy had hidden my gift. He was so excited about it. He pulled it out and brought me the grocery bag holding it out with a huge grin. 'Momma here's your super surprise!' I looked over at him and said 'oh baby I think that's for tomorrow.' And he looked so dejected it broke my heart. So I grabbed him in a big hug and told him I was excited to see it tomorrow. He gave me a big kiss and told me loved me.
When I woke up this morning he said
'Mom I left you sleep, open your present now!' I'm so happy to have these angels in my life!
Giving yourself something to look forward to and work towards seems like a pretty good way to fight off some negative thoughts. If you have a true path you can say to yourself is this thought, action, or decision going to get me closer to my goals? If the answer is no than its not helpful to you. I'm betting the negative thoughts you have through out the day often fall in the no category. So here's a few things I'd like out of life.
1. To have a good relationship with my husband. I want my husband to be in my life, to be my best friend and my first choice. I always hate saying that it's work to make this possible because I love all the things it takes to make this happen. I like spending time with my husband, I like talking to him, and I like doing things together. So it doesn't feel like 'work' but I don't know what else to call it. If I don't do those things if I don't make him a priority I know how quickly it can all unravel. So I'll 'work' towards our life together forever.
2. I want my kids to grow up to be good productive parts of the world. I want them to have a relationship with their Heavenly Father. I want them to make their own choices and live their own lives. But I want them to know I'll always be there behind them if they need me. I want to be their parent first and foremost but I want them to feel like they could talk to me like a friend if they needed it.
3. I want to travel some. I want to take my kids to Disney and Harry Potter world and stuff like that. I want to see 311 at red rocks and go on the 311 cruise. I want to go to Ireland and England. I want some vacations with my kids and some with just my husband. I know a lot of this will have to wait at least a few years but it's something to look forward to and save for.
4. I want to finish my book. I've been writing a book for longer than I'd like to admit. Well 2 actually I tend to go back and forth between the 2. I don't have any real dreams of being published. It'll probably never actually be read by anyone and that's okay but I really want to finish it.
5. I want to figure out my own relationship with God. I don't know how much detail I want to go into on this. Because it's very personal to me, but I was not meant to follow blindly. I'm a very opinionated person and sometimes that makes this hard.
6. I want a job I love. I'm 31 and have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I want to raise my kids and being home with them right now is my number one priority but someday they'll be in school and/or capable of staying home alone and I'd like to go back to work. But I don't want to do something that's just a job, I really want to love it.
7. I want to stay at a point where I feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't want to make this a 'this is the only weight I'll be happy at' thing. But I want to stick to working out and living a healthy lifestyle so I'll like myself, live long enough to love up my great grandchildren, be an example for my kids and family.
I've been thinking a lot about life and happiness and the things I want. There's a lot of negativity in my life and some days it feels like it might take over. Like I can't stop its flooding into my soul and thoughts. That's not how I want to live my life by any means. There's enough hate and stupid in the world with out me adding to it. So I've decided to start a positivity challenge with myself. So to start off a few 'rules'
1. Ponder the things you want to accomplish in life. What are you going to do to get there. But no getting down on yourself. 'You can do it!' (I'll write a blog post about life goals, and other goals soon, maybe tonight)
2. Read good books. My mind is happier when it gets a good workout with reading. I don't want reading to take over my life because I have a tendency to lose myself in books but I want to have a good balance with reading.
3. Listen to good music. Take 15 minutes a day to crank up some tunes. Have a dance party with the kids or go for a run with it. but music affects my soul and well being. I'll try to share some songs every day or at the very least when I come across a good one.
4. Try not to beat myself up over little things. When something starts to eat at me figure out how to fix it or how to live with it. Sometimes I can't fix things, not everything is going to be perfect always. But letting that ruin my day or thoughts does me no good.
5. Let the negative go.
I may add or change things as I go but I'll try to share progress when I can:)
For today I'll share a few of my go to songs when I'm feeling down and a story.
So story first:
I'm amazingly lucky. Both of my children go to bed easily. It's something I'm always grateful for. I don't think I'd have the patience at the end of the day to deal with kids who won't go to sleep. But I rarely have to deal with that so it's hard to say. I've never had to spend much time wondering about crying it out or any other sleep methods, my kids just sleep.
Tonight however my daughter was struggling to fall asleep and crying in her crib. So after a few minutes I went in and picked her up I rocked her a few minutes and just stared in to her eyes. Which were alert and full of wonder. I was feeling kind of tired and was concerned that maybe she just wouldn't go to sleep. She just seemed so awake. I laid her down in her crib and she immediately tried to get up and reach for me again. So I thought eh I'm just going to climb in her crib with her for a minute. I've never really done this, I've gotten in with her just kind of messing around but never to get her to sleep.
As I was laying there the negative thoughts started to creep in. I shouldn't be doing this. She's never going to want to sleep alone again. I'm going to ruin her awesome sleeping behavior, blah blah blah. But then I took a deep breath and told myself to stop. No more negative thoughts! I took in the moment. I watched her big beautiful brown eyes start to get heavy with sleep. I felt her chubby little hand resting on my cheek. Those little hands that have learned to do so much in the past 19 months, hold bottles, forks, spoons, sippy cups, color on walls, paper and everything else, throw balls and give the worlds best hugs. Those tiny amazing hands that hold mine when she's learning something new for support, or reach for things as she learns independence. It felt like her whole world placed upon my cheek, and I thought someday she won't need me. So tonight I'll enjoy it. Tonight I'll soak this in and memorize her hand print on my face, burn it in to my memory.
And with the positive twist in my mind set a little of that ball of stress in my chest released. My daughter eventually kissed me good night and fell asleep on her own and there was never really a need to worry. I need to remember to take in the little things.
