Sleep in heavenly peace

Christmas is tomorrow, We had our christmas program at church Sunday and as we were singing away in a manager one of the lines jumped out at me. 

Bless all the dear children in thy tender care. And I couldn't help but think of you. Christmas is a time for family. I love having your brother and baby sister near me at this time. But I can't help but remember you. You'd be 7 months old, sitting up smiling and playing with your big brother. I have a feeling you and Taiyden would be driving me nuts with the christmas tree. I'm glad you're with our family that is already up there in heaven with you celebrating this beautiful time of year. You'll always be in my heart! Merry christmas angel! Sleep in heavenly peace. 

Tales of a breastfeeding mom

Red, green, yellow, blue, purple, white. I sit staring at our beautiful christmas tree and all the lights a lot. It's in my favorite room to feed my daughter. My downstairs (where our TV is) is too cold and not terribly comfortable. Plus I'd inevitably end up sitting down there watching jake and the Neverland pirates for the one millionth time, while my toddler plays near by barely paying attention until you turn off his shows of course. My bedroom doesn't work well for feedings, beds just aren't comfortable for that type of thing. And while I love the rocking chair in baby girls room it too doesn't work so great. So our front room it is. There's no room for a TV in this room, there's too many focal points a big window with a window seat on one wall, a fireplace on another and the banister to the stairs on the other. Sometimes I'm amazed we can fit a couch in here at all, the christmas tree takes up most the room. So here I sit staring at it, sometimes pleading with the toddler to please not throw balls at, kick, punch or jump on the it. There's not much I can do when he does as jumping up quickly with a baby attached to me isn't something I can do. He knows it and frequently takes advantage of it with a devious smile and cute laugh, that's not always so cute through annoyance and frustration. There's always a little mommy guilt that he needs to kind of fend for himself. Although he's gotten quite good at watching whatever he wants on Netflix and pushing chairs around to get chocolate chips out of the cupboard while he knows mommy can't stop him.  And on the other hand there's mommy guilt that I can't always sit and snuggle sleeping baby girl after she's finished eating like I used to with her big brother who was my only focus. My life is full of too many focal points now just like my living room, my children, and my return to work is quick approaching. Most days I'm not sure how I'll do it. But I look down as I supply this little girl sustenance and know this is right where I'm supposed to be. Or I hear my son say 'I love you mommy' and I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I love that I'm able to breastfeed as it saves me hours of cleaning bottles that I can use on my babies, gives my girl a great start in life, helps my odds against breast and ovarian cancers that both run in my family. So here I sit staring at the lights and loving my beautiful and sometimes stressful life. 

Goals

My goals for the next 30 days are:

1. Survive my return to work. 

2. Lose at least 5 more pounds 

3. Figure out some way to keep the weight off. (I'm down 26 pounds! But after I had Taiyden I started regaining weight when I went back to work)

4. Turn 30 and do something awesome for my birthday. 

That's pretty much it;)

Dinner party

Today is list 10 people dead or alive that you would invite to dinner and list the menu. 

People:

1. Husband- duh I want him everywhere I go.

2. My husbands dad- He died when my husband was 5 days old. So I'd love for both of us to get to know him.

3. My husbands brother Steve- steve died 6 months after we got married. I want him to meet my beautiful babies. We used to chat on Facebook all the time and I miss our chats. 

4. Amberlyn

5. Taiyden 

6. Greyson- I can't wait for the day I meet my angel baby.

Since my husbands dad would be there Id give the last 4 spots to his brother Sean wife Natalie and sister Sheree and her husband Wayne. I'm sure they'd want to see him too. 

As for menu that depends am I making it? Because I'd rather have a private party at Cheesecake Factory. Much better food than the stuff I make:) 

I miss it

Today's topic is something you miss. There's a few things I miss..

I miss being 21-25. I had a lot of fun in those years. I met my hubby, I lived on my own for the first time, I used to hang out with friends a lot more, and (sorry church friends) I even miss the bars sometimes. Just sometimes.. It was fun to go hang out and dance. I miss the pole dance classes I used to take.. They're really fun and challenging! 

I miss looking like this:

And even though I have a baby at home I  miss baby Taiyden.. It's a strange thing. 

I miss maternity clothes. Especially the pants. I love not worrying if your rear is hanging out and they never fall down. I would wear them all the time if it wasn't weird.

But I love my life now and I wouldn't change a thing. I love watching my children grow and learn. Every new stage is fun even if I occasionally miss the last stage. Marriage is the same, I love growing with my hubby, but sometimes miss the early stages of our relationship, not start of any relationship stuff but us specifically. I'm grateful I get to keep my hubs forever! 

99 problems

I'm supposed to write about a problem I'm currently having. (I know it's 3am which makes it the next day, I'm so late sorry!) I have one big thing that's been on my mind a lot, but I can't write about it right now because there's no final decision made yet and there are people I don't want knowing it's on my mind right now. So I'll talk about a much smaller issue I'm right this instant at 3am having:)  and promise another post later on for the other thing.

Tonight I put my daughter in her room to sleep instead of in my room right next to my bed. I'm not usually up at 3am it's usually more like 4 or 5, and that's because when she starts to fuss I throw an arm over in her bassinet and give her the binki back and in 2 seconds everyone is happy and sleeping again. When she's in her room it takes me longer to hear the fuss, then I have to get up go down the hall stick her binki back in and, if I'm lucky go back to bed. If I'm not lucky it took to long, she's too awake and I have to feed her, like now. I know she needs to be in her room eventually, and hopefully before I go back to work so I'm not waking her up when I get home late. I like her being in her room so hubs and I can watch tv, or wrap gifts or talk before bed, but I get more sleep with her right next to me. Maybe we'll try a half and half thing for a bit, her room at bed time ours after she's needed to wake up and eat? 

With my son he was bigger at this point so I didn't have much choice he wasn't comfy in the bassinet anymore. My daughter is only 1lb 6oz bigger than he was at birth right now. It's crazy. We'll play by ear I suppose. But she's asleep in my arms so I'll make a choice and go back to bed! Night all

If I had a million dollars

If I had a million dollars I'd take 400,000 of it and I'd build a house. It doesn't have to be too fancy of a house, but I need a master suite with a master bathroom. A nice shower big tub and walk in closet that can be closed off. I need at least 2 of the other bedrooms to be on the same level as the master with maybe a jack and Jill bathroom with them. And I need a little guest bathroom that people can use when they come over. I hate that I share our main bathroom with everyone. It bugs me.

This is maybe more than we need but I like this layout:

I'd take 100,000 and travel. So much travel!

And I'd invest the rest and use some to help me be able to stay home with my babies!

So fascinating

Today's post is about someone who fascinates me and I've chosen Rebecca Emily Cooper

I grew up with Becky and on top of being one of the sweetest people ever she has this amazing talent! Her art work is beautiful and I love seeing all the new things she does! I'm lucky to have several beautiful peices by her so check them out and go like her Facebook page Here!

Thank you Becky for all you've done for me and for sharing your beautiful work with the world! Love you! 

This Weekend

I'm supposed to talk about my favorite movie today but instead I'm going to tell you about our weekend. (My favorite movie btw is pride and prejudice) 

My Three White Dresses

My Mom bought me a white dress, Not red or pink or blue.

She said it was a special dress like very other few.

There has been just one before, A dress now put away.

That I wore some time ago upon my blessing day.

As a little baby clothed, In my first white dress

My Dad held me in his arms, There to name and bless.

So pure and clean was I just then, With time to grow and learn

About the Father's plan for me, My glory I must earn.

Now I've reached the age to judge, The wrong road from the right,

And I am here to be baptized, In this dress of white.

So, once again I'm free from sin. The path is clear to me.

I'll grasp the rod and hold on tight, I vow with certainty.

Just as mud would stain my dress, Sin would stain my soul.

The key is to repent or bleach, For whiteness is my goal.

And if I try my very best, Then richly blessed I'll be.

Wearing inside God's Holy House, White dress number three.

So today I make this pledge: I'll strive to choose the right,

Through this sacred baptism ordinace, In my second dress of white.

Linda nelson

This weekend my baby girl got her first white dress. Her daddy held her in his arms and gave her a beautiful blessing! I'm so proud of both of them. I know my beautiful girl has a great life a head of her. 

Our sweet girl got to share this weekend with her cousin who wore her second white dress as she chose to be baptized. She too was given a beautiful blessing by her dad. I'm proud of her for her choice:) 

Both of these girls have such sweet spirits. You can see that they are truly children of god. I love them both tons! Congratulations sweet angels! 

5 famous people

I'm supposed to pick 5 famous people I find attractive and post pictures. For the record my hubby is hotter than any of these people but here you go. 

Michelle Rodriguez.. 

Mandy patinkin:  I know this ones a little strange but when I was in jr high I fell in love with the broadway play a secret garden. I used to listen to the original cast cd over and over. And I love his voice! I've actually seen him in concert:)

Jason segel 

Natalie Portman 

Nick Hexum 

2 years ago

How have I changed in 2 years? Well 2 years ago I just had one child, he was 6 months old. I didn't know what it was like to have 2 children to run around after. I hadn't yet heard the words 'this isn't a viable pregnancy' I didn't yet know that type of loss. I still worked at the same job I do now. I was still married to my best friend, although I love him more now which seems impossible but I love him more everyday. I think I'm still mostly the same though. 

Favorite tv show.

I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say on this matter so pictures? 

Education

The importance of education. This one is kind of tough. I make decent money and only have my associates degree. Which has nothing to do with my job. I could do it without ever having gotten that. But it makes me easily replaceable. If I wanted to stay home with my babies for a few years I'd have to start completely over if I decided to go back. Maybe it would be different if I had gotten a degree in something and I was in a different field. But I don't know. I think that it's great for some things but I think you can get by just fine without a degree as well. I'm probably not the best person to ask I was never very motivated in school. 

Regret

My biggest regret in life:

I really don't believe in regret, I believe in learning from mistakes and that you were probably meant to go through any trial or situation. But I do have 1. So..

When I found out I was pregnant in early  September of 2013 I wasn't ready. I felt like my son was still to little, that we hadn't paid off my medical bills from my first pregnancy, and it wasn't planned. I'm a planner, with my first pregnancy it took months and months to get pregnant, this one just came. And I regret that I cried and that I felt this way at all. It took me only an hour after finding out to become excited. But still for an hour I felt all these sad things. When I saw his little heart beat I got even more excited! I knew he was boy I just did and I couldn't wait to meet him. when we went back to the doctor 2 weeks later there was no longer a heartbeat, and I felt my heart break. A bad day for hearts I suppose. But I regret that I spent one hour of his short little life sad that he was coming. I wish I would've just celebrated him for every second he had. I think he understands, but it still makes me so sad. And I have a very strong feeling he knew if he came for his whole life that his little sister wouldn't get her chance. So I'm grateful for the opportunity to meet her and love her! And I know I'll meet our Greyson one day. 

Favorite book

Today's post is a book you could read over and over again and not get sick of. It's hard because I actually have a lot so I'm going to share a few, but I'm gonna be lame about it and only post pictures because it's late and I was busy today;)