Tales of a breastfeeding mom

Red, green, yellow, blue, purple, white. I sit staring at our beautiful christmas tree and all the lights a lot. It's in my favorite room to feed my daughter. My downstairs (where our TV is) is too cold and not terribly comfortable. Plus I'd inevitably end up sitting down there watching jake and the Neverland pirates for the one millionth time, while my toddler plays near by barely paying attention until you turn off his shows of course. My bedroom doesn't work well for feedings, beds just aren't comfortable for that type of thing. And while I love the rocking chair in baby girls room it too doesn't work so great. So our front room it is. There's no room for a TV in this room, there's too many focal points a big window with a window seat on one wall, a fireplace on another and the banister to the stairs on the other. Sometimes I'm amazed we can fit a couch in here at all, the christmas tree takes up most the room. So here I sit staring at it, sometimes pleading with the toddler to please not throw balls at, kick, punch or jump on the it. There's not much I can do when he does as jumping up quickly with a baby attached to me isn't something I can do. He knows it and frequently takes advantage of it with a devious smile and cute laugh, that's not always so cute through annoyance and frustration. There's always a little mommy guilt that he needs to kind of fend for himself. Although he's gotten quite good at watching whatever he wants on Netflix and pushing chairs around to get chocolate chips out of the cupboard while he knows mommy can't stop him.  And on the other hand there's mommy guilt that I can't always sit and snuggle sleeping baby girl after she's finished eating like I used to with her big brother who was my only focus. My life is full of too many focal points now just like my living room, my children, and my return to work is quick approaching. Most days I'm not sure how I'll do it. But I look down as I supply this little girl sustenance and know this is right where I'm supposed to be. Or I hear my son say 'I love you mommy' and I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I love that I'm able to breastfeed as it saves me hours of cleaning bottles that I can use on my babies, gives my girl a great start in life, helps my odds against breast and ovarian cancers that both run in my family. So here I sit staring at the lights and loving my beautiful and sometimes stressful life.